Nashville Report Card: Season 2, Episode 7

Nashville Week 7: “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.”

We’re back in Sexytown this week, where we experiment with different coping mechanisms.

Rage? Check.

Denial? Check.

Scheming and backstabbing? Check.

Avoidance? Check.

Moping? Check.

Recklessness and Sexyfuntimes? Check.

Violence? Check.

Acceptance? Check.

On to the good stuff…this week’s grades!

• Rayna: A+

She gets 100 million Tami Taylor points for excellence in Mom-ship. (Except we all know the great Texan Tami Taylor is, indeed, a “gun girl.”) I will say, she has pretty good aim for someone who hasn’t shot a gun in 30 years. Teddy: watch yo-self! The whole Luke thing actually seemed perfect considering it was Teddy’s wedding day, and I decided I don’t hate them together. I like that they have the same background, both personal and professional. I could stand to watch this play out a little longer. However, not sure it will considering the looks she gave Deacon the whole time at the Bluebird….well, they get their own grade now, see below for more on that. But I LOVE-loved her “Mama Bear” routine. Deacon, you mess with Maddie, she’ll cut you!

• Rayna wardrobe: A-

Other than the dress that somehow managed to look like a grandma’s nightgown fashioned Project-Runway-style from the closet of Luke Danes, I liked it. The paucity of sparkles was a refreshing change of pace. The hair was of course fabulous, I don’t even need to give it a grade anymore. There aren’t enough plusses in the world for that A.

• Rayna/Deacon: A

SexyTrueLoveEyes are BACK! I can’t wait until the report card title is “Reunited and it Feels so Good!” because you KNOW it’s going to happen now that she’s watching her daughter fall in love with him. She’s going to see all the good things, and forget the bad, and forget that she is a giant enabler. It will lead to happy times for the viewers at home. I would watch a show that was entirely Deacon and Rayna cuddling and singing songs, wouldn’t you?

• Juliette: A-

OK, nice is a color that goes with everything, even if it isn’t your most flattering hue – like black. Wear it, Jules, wear it. I like that she stands up for herself, but I liked her better when she had Avery as a conscience. I still really enjoy watching her, I’m never quite sure what she’ll do. Probably the only truly surprising character on this show. And her hair was exceptionally good this episode.

• Glenn: A

For “I’m not going to like what happens next, am I?” It’s sad he’s not getting so much air time this season. Maybe because he has to share a toupee with “Campaign Flashback Cyrus” on Scandal and they keep having to fly it back and forth from L.A.

• VampCharlie: C+

The man who fired Santa Claus. Great, now all the Twi-hards will hate him, too and they are a group I definitely don’t want to be on the bad side of. Anyway, saved from an F only by a) having a hot accent and b) kind of standing up for Juliette. I mean, I actually like that he wanted to help her. And I got the feeling that it was more because he didn’t agree with what Santa was doing, not just to get on Juliette’s good side.

• Olivia: F

As in “what the F?” Did I accidentally switch to Orange is the New Black? Most random thing ever, although did get me to yell “Oh my goodness!” out loud at my TV which henceforth has been reserved only for the last five minutes of Scandal each week. I actually almost didn’t catch it, what with being distracted by the giant SHARK swimming around in the water. Seriously?

• Stellas: B

Like 10 seconds of them singing but we heard Deacon’s stupid song 3 or 4 times? BOO. BOOOOOOO. And where did Daphne stay when Rayna picked up Maddie? Are they taking her on their honeymoon? Maybe Juliette will have to go pick her up from a gas station, too…

• Maddie: A

Sullen teenager can get old fast, but I kind of liked it even if she was a little too manic-depressive for me. Sure, I get teenagers are moody and can turn on a dime; but she flew the Concorde from sullen to thrilled in this episode. (Don’t forget, Maddie: the Concorde crash-landed in a fiery blaze…) But her scene with Deacon at the end was so awkwardly precious and believable that I wanted to reach into my TV and hug her.

• Teddy: B

I actually liked him this episode despite the fact he married Dumbo. Mostly I loved his conversation with Maddie. I think he’s saying the right things, but also giving her space to work out this whole new dynamic. He’s actually a good father, and I think a good man. A dumb man, but a good one.

• Peggy: F

As always. The big neon sign flashing “ME ME ME” over her head is enough. I love KWP (well, I love Brad, so I love her by extension) but this character is RUINING her for me. What happened to sweet Annie Banks? And what was that wedding dress? UGH! Tim Gunn does NOT approve.

• Deacon: A

Other than the awkward “I don’t know how to sing” gag with Avery (oddly reminiscent of his Whose Line days) and the annoying song we heard three times, I liked him this episode. I loved that after Rayna’s visit he was like “Must do something with myself: stat!” But when they found out it was a comedy open night mic was I the only one who was like “You’re an improve comedian! Whose Line Hoedown! Come on!”

• Avery: B

Our favorite unlikely sidekick, perfect for situations where one of the somewhat friend-less characters needs someone to talk to. My official status on his relationship with Scarlett has gone to “don’t care.” But all that and I still really like him. Loved him with Deacon, such a weird dynamic for so many reasons.

• Scarlett: C-

Your lack of confidence is getting old.  If you don’t want this job, don’t take it. “What, you mean I have to get on stage and sing in front of people? Woe is me!” And now Gunnar is on her tour bus? Contrivance! Why don’t they ask Rayna and Deacon what that’s like, I’m sure they never got up to any tour bus hijinks… At least her hair is under control, even if still a bit scraggly. Now if we could just get her to stop shopping at Justice and/or the juniors section at Kohl’s, she’d be set.

• Luke “Wheel[er] of Fortune”: B

I actually thought he was a little less skeevy this episode, even if he did play Rayna like a fiddle. He seems to me like one of those guys who just cannot be alone, but he does seem to truly care for Rayna. He’s like Jason Stiles to Deacon’s Luke Danes. Verdict postponed. Like I said, I can stand to watch this play out a little. Plus I love horses: points for that.

• Gunnar: D

Saved from an F only to have the balls to wheel and deal with Jeff. I did have fun yelling “Don’t give him your song!” at the TV, but it didn’t stop me from rolling my eyes every time he came on screen. And since apparently there are only two country music tours in the entire US of A, he and Scarlett were bound to be on the same bus eventually. Except…did Jeff maybe know about their history and do it to eff with him? Seems Jeff-like.

• Zoey: F

She has a last name!!!! I don’t even remember what it was, but at least now we know she isn’t like Cher or Madonna or something. Still slutty terrible friend. Is she supposed to be interesting?

• Will: D

Poor confused Will. In honor of no-shave November, Will gets a beard! And violence, oh the violence. Didn’t his momma teach him that hitting people doesn’t solve problems? I’m sure those guys know exactly why he tackled them, too. Good move. Anyway, we get it, he doesn’t want to come out. We can add this to the storylines getting old. Seriously, was there ANY development this week? Someone give this guy a rainbow flag and a parade!

• Layla: F

                I don’t like her enough to care. Apparently neither does Will, which at least gives me hope.

• Jeff: C

                Go back to your lair and stop mucking things up. No one likes you! No one!

Next week: People throw things at Scarlett, just like I’ve wanted to do for months. Better start warming up my arm…