Nashville Report Card: Season 2, Episode 5

I don’t own the characters or the show or the places or the music or, really, anything. The only thing that’s mine are the opinions - and a case of 2-Buck Chuck.

Episode 5: “Gunnar Pleeeease, Don’t Bang the Girl”

So this week we have a Miraculous Recovery, a Back-Stabbing Betrayal, another Back-Stabbing Betrayal, and no fewer than 3 Dastardly Deeds. And one hot, shirtless man. (Seriously, ABC, can’t we up this?)

Rayna: A

#WELCOMEBACKRAYNA. Is it me or was the coma good for her voice? Someone has been taking their voice lessons seriously (thank you, CB.) I really liked her song, too, and rushed out to buy it on iTunes. Loved the “Wyatt Side of Rayna Jaymes” - except by “Wyatt side” she didn’t mean the ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners, cutthroat business deals side….she meant “Daddy’s money.” Weak!

Rayna’s Wardrobe: C

Stop making her tuck sleeveless shirts into skinny jeans. She is a good-looking lady, but that is NOT a good look for her. Saved from an F- only by the hair, which was predictably gorgeous.

Deacon/Rayna: B

As happy as I am that their confusing, angsty conversations are back, why is he just barging into her house? WTF? Wasn’t it like 2 episodes ago she was all “I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to him again,” and now she’s like “Oh cool, you’re suddenly in my house. But you’re not an axe murderer, so how’s your hand?” He’s just so concerned about her not singing again! Must get there quickly! No time for knocking! I think if my fresh-off-the-wagon babby-daddy and I were on the outs, I would not react the same way - my way would involve more yelling and possibly the police. Plus, what if Liam was there? Awk-ward. Actually, speaking of…

Liam: F

Again, Failure to Appear. In Europe? (Just in case we needed to be reminded that he’s Not Country. Everyone knows Europe is lousy with rock stars! Rock n Roll!!!!) Hasn’t anyone told him Rayna’s bed isn’t in Europe? Oh well, maybe that’s where he gets the best deals on fedoras and skinny scarves.

Juliette: A

The one where she discovers what friendship means. Oh, I really like this platonic Avery thing they have going on, and I’ll be disappointed if the writers take it to the bedroom. Someone has to teach her what friendship is all about. She didn’t even fight him on the not-coming-on-tour thing. And as much as I totally agree with her clear sentiments that Rayna should have had her back with Luke, I like that she has a reason for some friction with Rayna again. This show will be totally boring if they’re buddies French-braiding each other’s hair and making crank calls together and stuff. In any case, this is the character I enjoy watching the most.

Deacon: B overall, A+++ for Shirtless!Deacon!

He only kind of hated himself this episode. He actually smiled a little with lawyer-lady, which made me like her a little more. Plus I liked her for the whole no-makeup/t-shirt thing. And gave an excuse for Shirtless!Deacon! for which I’ll be eternally grateful. (If you don’t think I rewound the DVR and watched that at least 3 times then you’re nuts.) However, I revert to last week’s assessment: Megan is way too good for him. Back to Deacon. The guitar store thing was weird, they never followed up on it. Makes sense, but…the song with Scarlett was Awesome. Capital A. There’s still hope!

Scarlett: A

Finally they did something with her clothes and hair that wasn’t terrible! Yay! But this whole “I’m a country bumpkin as soon as a camera is on me” just doesn’t ring true for some reason. Sure, she is shy, but it’s over-played. Pretty sure the director told her to “Act as much like a scared chipmunk as you can.” Love that she is living with Deacon. That song was pure. Gold. From Rayna’s shampoo bottle.

Gunnar/Zoey: CHILTON F

The title of this report card says it all. NO NO NO NO NO. And forming the “We’ve All Screwed Scarlett” Trio? Ok, I liked their song but, seriously? Avery and Gunnar are all friends now? LAME. And apparently when they said they needed a female voice to round out the sound, all they meant was to sing a couple la-la’s? Oh, and Zoey re-earned her status as Worst. Friend. Ever. Does Scarlett have any inkling this is going on? So many questions. So many terrible answers. I give up.

Avery: B+

For everything except being friends with Gunnar, for which he earns F-. Apparently next week he’ll take his place in the “Screw Scarlett Trio” literally. I respect him staying true to himself and not going back out on the road so he could work on his own music, but won’t he make a LOT more money out on the road? Does he have NO free time during the day to do other stuff? Maybe he just doesn’t want to be Deacon when he grows up…

Will: A-

As much as I want to hate him, he’s the one on this show I’m “Most Likely to Go See in Concert.” You know I love me some big black-hat country singers… J As unhappy as I was with what happened to Scarlett, I do think he genuinely has her back, he’s just too chicken-S*%t to do anything about it. He definitely isn’t all over the Layla bandwagon, and he gets points for that. And honestly, I don’t feel bad for him with Gunnar. You can’t be expected to join someone else’s self-hosted pity party, and he’s not lording his success over Gunnar…if anything, he’s trying to find a way to include Gunnar in it. (Maybe the Gunnar stuff should go with last week’s but no take-backs.)

Layla: D

Smart girls are MEAN. What she did to Scarlett, who isn’t really even competition to her, unforgiveable! And now I hate her for deferring Harvard to do this. And #LaylaandWill? I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she opens a storeroom closet door and finds Will and Brent going at it, as we know they will eventually do.

Jeff: C

Mustache-twirling, DB perfection. Someone has to be the bad guy, he’s just happy to oblige. I read somewhere they brought him on to be a love interest for Rayna but that would make me seriously sad. She is smarter than that. (Of course, I dated a DB named Jeff, too, so can I really judge?) At least he kept his shirt fully buttoned this week. And I have a hard time believing Scarlett’s bumbling was more embarrassing than him pulling her off the red carpet. I mean, that just makes HIM look bad.

Lamar: B

Score one point for JennRidd for totally calling “Orange is the New Power Suit.” Looking forward to watching him obliterate Teddy from behind bars. There’s always money in the banana stand. No touching!

Tandy: B

Love that she’s letting Teddy take the fall. Love that they’re giving her a storyline. She could have an A if only they would show her with Bucky because I love them together.

The Stellas: C

BOO no Stellas. Love those girls. I would normally give them an F for not appearing but I saw Daphne’s little face breaking into tears in my mind and upped it to a C just for being adorable.

Luke Wheeler: C

Hey! It’s that guy from Smash! So apparently he’s going to be another love interest for Rayna? HooBoy. How many episodes until the Report Card Title is “Round Round Get Around, I Get Around”???? I could go either way here. Wish he had a little less fake country-boy drawl.

Music: A!!!!

Finally! I downloaded more than one song! Loved it all, even the Avery/Gunnar one.

Next Week….we all reenact scenes from Pretty Woman! Who’s excited?

(Report Card Title: From Tim McGraw’s “Don’t Take the Girl.” We all knew it was just a matter of time until I used a Tim song…)